For Kristel.

Kristel Anne Reluya Racho's Cotillion is officially over.
After 4 months of LONG and STRESSFUL work, it's done. And to be perfectly honest, a part of me will miss it. Don't get me wrong, getting exhausted, and stressing over mess-ups, plus the always butting attitudes of people who think they're right I will not miss, but the forced weekly, sometimes daily bonding with my best friends are moments I wish would never end. Not to mention cappuccino after a tiring practice, yum! It's such a shocker that something like Kristel's [really belated] birthday party would affect me and so many of us so much. Not just our schedules, etc. But like really, as angry as I've gotten over the past 4 months about all the crap that was happening. It was all worth it for yesterday. To give her such an amazing gift, of feeling like a princess. I've honestly never been so envious of her. Last night, I could really feel the love, from the moment she walked into the ballroom, and the emotion hit me like a wave. I was truly happy for her, you'd think she was getting married. So we waltzed, and we tangoed, and we laughed and had fun. Then we cha-cha'd straight into the jive, straight into grabbing people from their seats and dancing the night away. My favorite moment though, was watching Kristel surprise video from her court, because even though it wasn't for me, or being said to me, all the wonderful things that was being said to her by the people that love her most was I don't know how to put it into words. It just reminded me, especially watching myself in the video, how through all the things that irk me about Kristel, she's a really amazing person. I meant every word in the video, because she truly is an amazing friend, and she really does just let things roll of her back. Things that would bother me for a long time, or things that would make other people just go well fck them then. But she's always positive, always willing to try and make others happy, and I really feel that in my worst of moods, she could bring the happy out in me. Cus how can you not with the cheer and joy that just radiates out of her always. Now I think, when it seems as though her huge personality is just too much to bear sometimes, it's not her, it's just my cynical, unhappy self, not enjoying life as she does. I'm so grateful to have her in my life, I will truly miss her while she's away at Santa Clara, and I don't think the world could ever stop her from 1,2,3 posing for the rest of her life. I'm so glad you enjoyed your birthday, you really do deserve it. I love you, Kristel Anne Reluya Racho. Happy Birthday.

Graduated

Wow, it's finally over. Is anyone else trippin' besides me? Let's reminisce on the past day, shall we?
Waking up early, getting ready for it all, still never really hitting me. I start off thinking it's going to be a terrible day because I'm already late. I get to school, get Ghemie the lei she wanted and run off into the hall to line up. Take a few pictures, take lots of videos, haha, and overall just try and make tons of memories for the first important day of our lives. It's time to walk, we're all more anxious, hungry, and tired than anything else, trying not to slip as it sprinkles above us. We walk in, try to find our relatives in the huge crowds surrounding us. There's so many people that they're standing in the walkways. Would that be considered a fire hazard? Anyways.. The graduation commences and there's a lot of talking and speeches that I probably won't remember ever again, but still I will remember my consistent welling up. Especially as the jazz choir sang "In my life" it was awesome. As if that song wasn't touching before, I will always remember my graduating class of '09 when I hear it. Now we're certified, and we walk up 3 by 3? to get our diploma [holders] Haha. And being that I'm in the first row, I'm prepared to return to my seat and watch all my friends go up their, old and new, and scream as loud as possible for them. But of course I could not go up their myself before crying and trying to regain some composure before that short 5 foot walk onto that stage. We're finally through, and I wasn't bored a second, because I was determined to capture every moment of what was happening. How I wish I could record the entire thing and replay it over and over. Now it's time to walk back out, I'm numb. And as I get my diploma and put it away I start bawling because it's just too much emotions I'm unaware of coming to the surface. I hug my friends knowing it won't be the last, but just knowing that I need to at the moment. I go with Kha to get my coat out of Gabe's locker, and my phone is missing, but I'm not freaked. I go out to Colt Court to find my family and take pictures, but I'm in a rush to find my friends at the big green. Finally when they let me go, I'm like the last to arrive in a swarm of red and black and cameras all around. It's like paparazzi. We take lots of pictures, make lots of memories, and go our separate ways to meet up again.. at Gabe's party! :] Which was lots of fun as always. Especially when we accidently crashed Mussie's party. Hahah. Playing taboo, getting super fat, and just chilling because we can, is just the way I would have expected up to celebrate our graduation. In my head, going back to the big green, we must have seemed like a huge group. I remember walking up to them as they were posing, trying to hurry up in my heels, and going holy cow look at all those people, haha. Hey, that's our group. Monica Ashley Macaldo, Ryan-James Ilano Javier, Ryan Jarcio San Miguel, Alejandro David Samaniego, Chiu Ho "Alex" Chan, Justin Lacsamana Penalosa, Jessica Anne Choy, Aniq Masood, Gabriel Thien Quoc Nguyen, Amy May Tran, Arnold Huynh, Terry Hong Hoac Chhour, Jamey Vargas Padojino, Anthony Antonio Ferrer, Christopher John Arboleda, Paolo Angelo Hinjojales Tacuyan, Ghemie Barrera Sangil, Christine Amylu Cruz, Kristel Anne Reluya Racho, Lincy L Han, Jorden Cheok- Wei Lam, Alex Kha, & Yuk Lun Andy Sum. How much I love each and every one of them. I wonder what we looked like to the outside, cus we really should have had pictures of us taking pictures, because it was crazy people with cameras. Parents, sisters, brothers, cousins, uncles and aunts, all supporting, and all either taking pictures, or standing by and smiling. One word to define our group among the many would definitely be crazy. Always. Still, I love every minute of it, and I'm not so sad anymore. I'm so excited actually, because our group through our ups and downs are as our Class President said about our class, "the biggest, the strongest, and the best". 100%. I will miss each and every one of them, because "In my life", I will never have deserved such wonderful friends as them, if only everyone was so lucky to find their soulmates in 23 very different people.

Forever & Always,
Em.

Butterflies

Graduation, is tomorrow.

Wow. Omg. Wtf. FML. Idk, my BFF Jill, Rose?
So many thoughts running through my mind that I feel like I'm not even thinking. Just unfocused. Mostly, I'm scared and nervous. I can still barely comprehend my feelings though. It's just surreal, I mean what am I supposed to feel? Someone please tell me, guide me. I know it's unrealistic, but it can't hurt to ask right? I feel like I've always done a lot of listening, not that I haven't done my share of talking as well, but I've listened, and always tried my best to give people good advice. Give them a real answer; that doesn't always tell them what they want to hear, but doesn't necessarily squash their spirit and thus any future conversations where they might want to confide in me. So tell me, me. What do I do now? How do I even begin to prepare for what the future holds? Should I look in the past and reminisce? Should I just keep on living each day as anew. Or will I just keep thinking of the future, planning and hoping. Neither I say? Then what? I don't know. No summing up this time, no answer for my unanswerable questions. Just this, my blurb of random thoughts before tomorrow. Before we walk across that stage thus leaving behind our old lives, and essentially starting a brand new one. So that's it, that's all I have. For now, until these butterflies fly me back down to earth..

F&A,
Em.

The First of Many

Graduation is in 2 days.

I'm so unprepared. Not just practically, but mentally and emotionally. Sure I still need to iron out my gown and figure out what I'm going to wear, charge my camera and upload pictures. But after 12 years of school, I can't believe I'm almost done. Never again will I walk out of class and find, reliably & regularly, my friends. Never again will they just be waiting for me at our usual table. Why didn't I realize sooner how precious these moments are, because they'll never come again. I truly envy those who live each day to the fullest, as if it were their last. Because for the past 18 years, I've been floating by, getting through one day at a time. Which brings me to another point, how I just realized that I've had "what ifs" floating in my head as long as I can remember. What if that had never happened, what if that had, would everything be different? I waste too much of my life wondering, life that I could've been using, could have been living. I''m going to try harder now. Still, I wish I knew little things would affect so much, like being laptop-less for so long leading to drifting friendships. That the decision to become better friends with the girls in the group would lead me to let my friendships with the guys fall between the cracks. I wish I could say that now things will be different, I'll be different. But there's really no to know for sure. I guess I'll try is all I can give; I just hope that it's enough. But if it's not, at least there's one thing I can guarantee, is that even if I can't make everything perfect, and I can't stay in touch with everyone, this is my effort to everyone. Whenever you wanna know what's up with me, you can come here, because I'll try my best to keep this updated, so you'll be updated, cus I want you to know that I miss you too. So here's to the upcoming summer, to a dreamer who will never stop dreaming, to the future and my friends, and the first of many long, long stories.

Forever & Always,
Em.